Traversing the unforeseen future

Learning to trust God with your entire life is one of the most difficult things to accomplish. I always hold back parts of my life, or try and take control of them as i cannot see God's plan. I see nothing but a dark emptiness of a future, where i can see nothing....except for the next step by the light of God's lamp of direction and guidance. It feels helpless and at times i just wanna grab the reigns and illumine the path with the artificial light of my choices. The overwhelming feeling i have right now is that God needs to be in control of it all, yet i hold on to way too much. I have no plans, but i do have a general direction. Do I follow this light that God is providing to me, or do i go back to my own sight and try and navigate blindly through the darkness hoping to land where i need or want to be. It is not easy being in the dark as to the future of my life, but it is not my life, it is God's life. The theme of my blog in the first post i had was "my life, for God's glory" (albeit in German)Why must i let my fears and anxiety take over? I feel like peter, he sees Christ and knows where to go. Peter faithfully steps out amongst the waves and he is oblivious to his surroundings, he only knows to go towards his Lord...then in a moment he notices the storm and the fact that he is on water....and begins to sink. I do not want to sink, i want to stay my focus upon Christ and his direction...no matter if i cannot see the future or the direction anywhere other than the step or two in front of me. Maybe in these times when we feel helpless, we are in the best position with God...maybe, just maybe God uses those who are in such a low position to raise himself up to the world...hopefully God can use me as i continue to traverse the unknown path in front of me

It's not about giving to God (doing) to receive things from Him, it's about receiving from God in order that we might give to others (his love)

We give our lives to God, all of it, but our actions aren't given in order to receive, they are given in order to serve.

Healthy Fear

The thoughts on sin and the repercussions they bring has really burdened me this whole year. Probably due to my own sins that have been the same sins for several years now. They say God punishes the wicked, this is true, but God also warns the righteous (and wicked). Go has been tossing signs at me left and right in regards to refraining from certain sins that have held me back from intimacy with Him. Im not going to go into it, but he has been railing me with signs, and this past week he has revealed to me that the next time it will not be a sign, but a repercussion. What is it to fear God? Its definitely not the same fear you have in a Freddy movie, more like the fear you have of someone that can harm you, but they don't. God has the power to do anything, including harm/judge those he loves. He told me he would do just that. His grace has abounded in my sin recently but he revealed to me this warning. I expect if should heed it. he doesn't just tell you something and it not happen. I have missed out on the fear of God lately, but in that moment i knew that God should be feared. A reverent fear. Like Aslan in C.S. Lewis' works, Chronicles of Narnia. He isnt safe, but he is good. This makes me understand that we must fear God, for he is capable of raining judgment upon us, and he is Omnipotent. I do not fear God due to him being scary....i fear God out of his might, and personally i fear misisng out on Him. He is our treasure, He is our reward. Our lives are to glorify him, without Him we are nothing. (no matter what our insufficient egos tell us....) I fear dissapointing the One who loves me the most. The One who graciously chose me to receive salvation, the one that desires me...(and us) He wants to be with us, when we sin, we choose wordly things over God....i fear the absence of God. That is my fear. I do not want to choose anything that would cause me to be absent from experiencing God. God wants one thing, unfortunately we want more. I pray that i will give God the one thing he wants....ALL of me. I do not want to hold on to sin, the world, or relationships that keep me from experiencing His glory. He is my King, he alone i worship. I desire to be in His presence forwver, when i choose the world i reject that. Those are the times i fear. I have been afraid of who i am in Him, and where he wants me to go. That fear is not healthy, it is of this world and the devil. I relinquish those fears to the one that i fear the most, My King. This verse revealed to me the power of God and the jealousy he has over those he loves (humankind) I fear this God....I want to be with this God, not agianst him. Each moment i choose the world, i reject Him. These verses reveal a God i never want to reject, he is Mighty

If a man does not repent, God will whet his sword;
he has bent and readied his bow;
13he has prepared for him his deadly weapons,
making his arrows fiery shafts.
14Behold, the wicked man conceives evil
and is pregnant with mischief
and gives birth to lies.
15He makes a pit, digging it out,
and falls into the hole that he has made.
16His mischief returns upon his own head,
and on his own skull his violence descends.



Psalm 7:12-16


Do you want to be this person...i know that i do not. There is no way in HELL i want to be anything like the person described in these verses.

Thoughts from Isaiah

Thinking about the book of Isaiah, the early chapters has brought some interesting thoughts to my brain, thanks to this quote "It is through wealth power and control of ones destiny that human beings become great" Why do we insist on trying to become gods (great), and not rest in the one true God? Looking across the global scape of humanity, it is apparent to me that most people live their lives trying to better themselves and working upon advancement up some sort of hierarchy. Whether that is becoming the CEO of a corporation, becoming the head coach, political aspirations, or even the head pastor. Most people are motivated by some sort of hidden or otherwise blatantly clear agenda to "fix" something that they think only they can fix, or at least contribute to the fix. They thing that the world will be better if they can ascend to greatness. trying to become a god, in our own little way, prevents us from accessing the one true God. We consistently begin to meticulously build up a barrier between us and God. The more we strive to succeed on our own, the more we lose. Our ascension to become "like God" is nothing new. Adam and Eve initiated this thought in our mind. We desire to be in control, we desire to hold the reigns of our life and all the things around us. This is what keeps us from entering into an intimacy with a God who longs for us to interact with Him. We exalt ourselves and others in place of God by looking to "fix" things. We are not capable of fixing or resolving anything significant and meaningful without the power of God in our life. I desire to remove any exaltation that prevents me from interacting with God.The sledgehammer of God is right there and he will knock down the barriers if we submit to His control in our life and in the world. He wants us to desire Him, not our own exaltation. This is what causes idolatry, forgetting who is important and who is in control by trying to take the reigns our self. This leads to sin and separation from the will of God. Everytime we sin, we are are not acting in the will of God. If we are in tune with God, we can avoid sin and thus stay in his will. Of course we will sin, but when we do we must reach up to the thrown in repentance, for Christ is who we need to run towards, not away from. When we try to become gods, we run away from the one who is in control and thus causing choas. May we run to Christ, not away, and fall into His loving arms in rest and adoration. Joy...

Galatians 3

Having begun by the Spirit are you now being perfected by the flesh?

I really hope that i NEVER feel that i am perfected by the flesh. We are saved by our faith, and we receive the Spirit by faith. Why would we ever think that we are perfected by doing good works? Perfection comes through Christ, we cannot be perfect until we pass from this earth, where our sanctification will be complete. Is it wrong to do good works? Is it wrong want to be perfect? No and No. The problem lies in the pursuit of perfection and "right" living as opposed to living or Christ and letting HIM be our perfection. We are to live out lives for Christ and resting in the knowledge that HE is our completeness, HE is our perfection. If we do this, we can eliminate the legalism that prevails in the church today. Christ doesn't call us to be something that we are incapable of. We are incapable of true perfection, but we are capable of living a life that represents Christ and advances the truth.
This does not mean that we sin freely, we are still called to be set apart. Living Holy is a part of our serving of Christ, but the motivation is not reward, the motivation is Christ himself. Living for Christ includes doing good works. Doing good works doesn' always include living for Christ. In fact if the good works that you do outside of Christ are being done because you are "supposed" to do it, then you might as well not do it at all. If you do not serve out of Christ, then you are serving out of yourself. This leads to self-righteousness and wrong motives for service. The ONLY motive for service is Christ. Christ calls us to serve others, we do it because we love Christ, we love others through Christ. Christ calls us to love and serve others....It all starts at the cross, not out of ourselves. There can be no room for boasting. "Hey come look how good i look!" is not the right response. We serve because Christ served, any other form of service is not righteous service.
Legalism and Cheap grace....i pray that i escape from one, but not run to the other. run to Christ instead.

QT on evangelism and teaching.

It's not about how we are saved, it is about WHO we are saved by.

the Christ of all?

After reading Galatians 2 and seeing the way that Peter acted amongst believers, his actions did not appall me. He was eating with the gentiles, apparently as they were and in their tradition, yet when James returned he quickly left and ignored them and went back to the Jews (Christian Jews). The reason that his actions did not appall me: because it was MY actons that appall me. I do the same thing so often. Its like the junior high lunch room. You sit with some of the dorky kids from church because they are your friends, but when the popular kids you are trying to earn points with show up you quickly get up, go sit down and join them. All the while acting as if nothing ever happened with the other people because they are not cool enough or do things differently. THeir traditions and actions are different than the popular kids. This story is not just made up, it was me in many cases throughout my life. If my fraternity brother saw me talking to that girl, or if my political buddies saw me talking to that democrat, or if my church friends saw me talking to that drunkard.....Although the times are different, the idea is similar. The Jews felt superior to the gentiles and the "uncircumcised". Its not that they did not associate with them per se, but rather they often thought that their traditions and ways were beneath them. How dumb is that? Who am I (or Peter) to think that we are too good for another person? I think it is absurd. But i still do it. What does it make me look like, thats the thought running in my head.
In this instance it was talking about how the Jews tried to force the gentiles to live under the Jewish law. But i cant help where my mind goes. It made me think that we so often expect others to live like us, but then we sometimes are embarrassed to be seen associating with the same people. As Christian, we cannot live in a world of blind dogmatism and expectancy that sinners will live like christians or they are unworthy of the church. Preposterous! How can you say that someone who is a sinner must live their life like christ and not do social sins? You cant! You yourself are a sinner, albeit saved by grace, but there was a time where you were no different than these so called "sinners" that must behave like a christian or they are ostrascized from the church. This self-righteousness is so disgusting to me. You cant make a dog meow like a cat, much in the same way you cant make a sinner conform to the christian law. You do not reform someone by their actions, God reforms them through their hearts.
Long post, lots of thoughts, not all on topic but stem from the initial topic. That the Jews and Gentiles serve and worshiped the same God, and the discrimination was unfounded. The idea is that we should be unified, ALL believers. We also should not be the moral police to sinners, instead we should show them the Love of Christ and share with them the gospel of Christ. He who has known no sin, became sin for us. Our debts are paid and we can re communion with a Holy God through His Son in the Holy Spirit. People are not persuaded to become christians by moral policing or lectures or stern headings of "hell". They come to know Christ because they see what Christ has done and understand that they are worthless without His grace. How do they see this? Love. Love for others, servant spirit, and preaching of the convicting truth of Christ. We may be rotten sinners, but in Christ we are pure. You convey this with the true gospel that offends. It offends because no one wants to admit they are nothing and that another person is everything. Ego, Pride. Christ is everything, we must die to ourselves and allow Him to take control. This is the answer to unity.

Becoming a Cool Monk (or Galatians remix pt 2)

Finishing the first chapter of Galatians has brought to the surface a former (and constant) desire that i have had to become a monk, at least temporarily. Monks seclude themselves from the world in cloister of solitude where they meditate on God and are filled with the knowledge and mystery found in God. This sounds attractive to me, yet i dont think i could make it more than a month, check that, more than a week without wondering what is going on in the world of Facebook and Twitter. Therefore i want to be a "cool" monk. But not the kind that lives in the inner city in some cool commune with some trendy Christian/Science Fiction name like, Synergy, Sanctus Virtuosity or The Elements. I want to be a temporary cool monk. Only from time to time. I even have it all planned out. Rent a cabin by a moving bidy of water that has a cool deck with a hot tub. No entirely rustic, but who said i was grizzly adams. Of course i would not want internet acces, but i would enjoy plenty of books that would hel me meditate on Christ and being set apart. Id take a supply of my favorite CAO cigars and live off of bacon, eggs, country ham, steak and beef jerky.
Seriously, when reading about Paul going away for 3 years, i sat and wondered what he did during that time. Im sure he involved himself in some sort of environment that i created, with the intentionality of focusing and seeking Christ. He did this for 3 years. Sometimes i find it hard to do this for 3 minutes. The idea is not that we must separate ourselves for months or years at a time, but rather retreat away to seek His face alone and with intentionality. Christ has called us to love others. We cannot adequately love others with being full of the one who is love Himself, God. Being intentional with prayer, scripture and fellowship is something that i have become convicted of. We are called to separate ourselves from worldly ways, yet id venture out and say that it seems that 90 percent of my life is concerned with the world. That is a generous guesstimate at that. I feel convicted over the way i have been concerned with the world and its ways. "It is when we stop actively loving Him that we find ourselves restless and gravitating toward other means of fulfillment." Francis Chan said it best to me. I find that if we are not intentional with Christ, we definitely gravitate towards the world and find our love in temporary pleasures in the world. Having times that we separate ourselves from all but Christ, is essential to the growth process. There is nothing better than being with Christ in a cabin listening to the flowing water, in the hot tub with a lit cigar and some good worship going. (of course singing worship to my king so loud that the bears, coyotes, and "deliverance folk" would not want to be within 5 miles of the cabin.)
My hope is that as Paul took this time to prepare for ministry, that i would not forget to take time out for the Lord, not just daily, but at times for full weekends-weeks in which the intentionality of worship, listening and meditation will become common place. I want to meet God and experience Him in ways unimaginable. Feeling the glory of his presence and becoming satisfied in His mystery.

Galatians L.C.'s remix pt1

Galatians 1:10 For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am i trying to please man? If i were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

As i let the fullness of this statement sink in, my mind is filled with thoughts that i don't want to entertain, let alone admit. Luckily, few people read this, let alone know who i am, as i write under a pseudonym. The thoughts of pleasing man over God cause me to shiver with the thought that i long for man's approval most the time. Pleasing man (or woman) seems to be fulfilling, but seeking after this acknowledgment is self-seeking. I seek the approval of man so that they will accept me, or like me for being relevant and interesting. In other words, that i provide some sort of inherent value to them that will cause me to become, to a certain extent, noticed. Then maybe, just maybe, i will become liked by mankind. Then if i should ever be so lucky, i will find a woman who does not disdain my flaws and find love. My life is nothing more than a 1970 VW mini-bus that is trying to get people to "get on board" with my existence enough that i can trick them into thinking that i am really a state-of-the-art tour bus that is full of fun and adventure. I want people to like me and i want them to like me more than i want God to love me sometimes. My life, in its current carnal state, has been in a constant fluctuation of God-World-God-World. I long for God, yet i must not really long for Him because i turn to the pleasures and acceptance of the world over Him.
These words of Paul cut to the current state of my existence. I am not serving God, i am not serving Christ in the manner i am called to. My life needs to be denied. I must deny myself, and take up Christ. Words that sound simple, yet are so hard. What does God want out of us? What do we truly have to offer a God of infinite worth and majesty? A God of love and grace? I have nothing of value to offer God. Absolutely nothing, my life is a failure of existence in which sin perverts my mind and cause me to seek after fleeting pleasures and temporary moments of false joy. Sin has become like a drug that sucks me in and getting that next fix becomes all that my life is about. Drug addicts are reliant upon the next "fix', much like i am reliant on the fleeting pleasures of sin. Going to the depths of a cyclical sin attachment has cause me to become numb to my existence and even the existence of those that i love. I live in a daze of numbness that envelopes all that i am. A Haze that permeates my mind and causes me to become distant from everyone, including my savior. I sometimes feel like i have become the Usain Bolt of running from God, his call on my life as well as running from his commands. My heart cries out to a God of mercy, a God who is graceful and sovereign.
The one thing that comes to my mind in all of the depths of depression from sin, is that He lives. He lives so that i might live. This brings me back to a question. What do we have to offer God? The answer is nothing, but the answer is also everything. We were created as beings that are not complete. And in our incompleteness we have nothing to offer a God who is perfect. We have nothing to offer God for we are sinners, imperfect. We cannot be in the presence of God due to our iniquity. But Chris came to cover us in His blood, each sin we have and will commit have been washed and forgiven by Christ. Christ came and took all of our sin upon himself and died a sinners death in order that we may have access to the father. We are selfish individuals, this is why i say we also have everything to offer Christ. The most difficult thing for a person to do is to deny himself and give it all in self sacrifice. Christ did this, so that we may live with God and be in the presence of his Glory. Although we have nothing to offer Him, if we off everything that we are, we will experience Him. I must give Him ALL of my life, sacrificing all that i am, because he sacrificed all that He was, in order that i can have All that HE is. My life, for His Glory.

Baptism is thus the death of our selfishness and self-sufficiency and it is the "likeness of Christ's death", because Christ's death is the unconditional self-surrender. Alex Shmemann

This quote has made me think about the life i lead and the ways i live. I am selfsih and self sufficient. I have lost the denial of my self that i need. Who am I to live a life that is not my own, Who am I to control the things that occur in my life with a filter of worldly gain and interests? My life should be found in Christ and Christ alone. This quote rips to my heart. It hurts me to think of the way my life is lived and how far removed from the image of Christ it is. I desire to realign my life with christ, but to get there i must deny my selfishness and become dependent upon Christ and Christ alone. Nothing the world offers if of value, yet Christ offers the world the only thing that is valuable. Communion with a God of love who WANTS to be with us, who IS with us. How do you find and experience this love? By becoming completely and utterly hungry for what God has, Joy...I desire to be continuously satisfied by a God of love, if i can be satisfied in Him, He WILL be glorified. God IS glory and deserves all that we have to worship Him, not as an all powerful being, but as a loving Father who desires us to passionate long to be in His presence. His presence is constant, we should live our lives with that knowledge in every aspect of life. Worship that is reverent, yet LOUD and joyful, filled with dancing and crying out to a God who WANTS US!! Oh that i should hope my selfishness will dwindle and that my joy in Christ will grow with a insatiable gravitation to His magnificent grace.

Baptism has lost it's beauty in the modern church, the imagery of the ancient church regarding this sacrament is so beautiful, i pray that we can re discover the magnitude of the glorious imagery found in this act. (as well as other sacraments) I wish to write more on this subject, yet i write this as a reminder to myself to approach this topic at a later date.

Thoughts on a friday

15If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.

1 Corinthians 3:15

I dont want to escape the flames....i want to live a life built upont the foundation of Christ. Sin holds me back, i want it to be purged from my depraved personhood. Only Christ in my life, not other idols or sin.


26Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

28Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 29They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

Romans 1:26-32

I realize this is about non-believers, but i do not want to even come close to this. I want to be so far from sin and so close to christ that i am not in danger of becoming a person who merely "escapes through the flames"....what a sad state. That would be the worst possible fate this side of hell. Knowing that i am saved, yet my life was worthless and all i built was burnt away...i want to build a life full of things that will be rewarded in heaven, not for the reward, but for the joy of knowing that i lived my life in Christ and helped others know him by revealing Him through my speech and actions.

Haze of Sin

It seems to me that sin gain be like a haze that slowly creeps in and eventually turns into a permeating fog that impairs your vision and direction spiritually. It normally starts with some possibly innocent actions that turn into a flaming passion for the desire of an action that takes us from God and places us into the idolatry state with said action. This haze of an initial wandering from God reminds me of a haunted forest in which he enter, and eventually cannot find your way out due to the lack of clear vision and no sense of direction. This leads to more and more sin and eventually you are helpless, becoming a slave to the forest that keeps you running around and around or staying stagnant, enveloped by a grimy fog of sin. Take for example a person who chooses to ignore God's warnings and head into an environment that breeds sin. This person, with no accountability, will slowly be squeezed by the constricting nature of sin until their christian walk is nothing more than a shell of its old self. Some may say, this person who lives in a sinful environment and falls into a slave relationship with sin. Bound to this sin, some may say this person is no longer in Christ. Not true, but for another day. This person has become so enslaved to the root of sin, that they cannot beat the power of sin without outside help....Christ first, community second. Christian community is where the spotlight can be shown on sin and help defeat the chains that bind. The light of Christ is enough, but this light is magnified through community. The answer to getting out of the fog, is the foghorn of Christ, the fog piercing light of clarity of the word of God. If you are lost, or bound by sin, the answer lies in Christ and the community found in Christ. It sounds so easy, yet it is a difficult road to march down. I have found that this bondage and thick fog of sin clouds your brain and leads to more and more sin. How do you defeat what seems impossible? Christ and in him stay strong, man up....Nut up or shut up.

Christ

Reading Crazy Love has steadily changed my heart. The latest thing that has convicted/gripped me is something that i have heard and thought upon, but not thought critically upon. Living our lives for Christ. What does that mean? It means many things, but the one that really truck me was found in Matthew 25 when Christ talked about serving the least of these and that if you do not serve the least of these than you do not serve me. How does this apply and what does it mean to see it in action? Is it going to work with homeless once a year? Fixing some old ladies roof once a year? Is it going to Venezuela for a few weeks and do medical ministry/bible schools? What is it? Those things are good, but it made me think, is it really loving the least of these......enough. What would it look like to love the least of these on a daily basis. Does it mean i save money on meals and give to the poor? Do i drive less to save money? many good questions arise. Basically, can i be a typical American and a live a Christian life such as this. I think not. We must devote all we have to Christ, to live for Christ. Christ gave everything to us, why do we think we can give him anything less than everything? I have a long way to go to live this lifestyle. Whatever i do, i plan on giving more than i can and heloing others as much as i possible can. That is the Christian life. Love others. That starts with loving God with EVERYTHING. I dont know when or how i will ever be capable of living a life such as this, but i will attempt it. Christ calls us to more, we are Holy, which means set apart. What does it mean to be set apart? Does it mean looking like everyone else and living a American lifestyle of consumption and grandeur? No. It isn't wrong to have things, it is wrong to not give things. If you have lots, give lots. If you have little, give lots. Give all that you can. I commit to giving all of me to Him and all of my stuff that i can to others in order that they might see Him who provides for me. Do they see Christ through the pulpit? sometimes...Do they see Christ is selfless love and giving of yourself to others? Always.......

Reading Francis Chan's "Crazy Love" has really made me think about my love for God, but more importantly, His love for me. Over the years, I (as well as most men) experience the desire to approach a woman in courtship and we desire to love them. Many times (or should i say most of the time in my case), these girls choose to reject a man's offering to a dating relationships. This is how our relationship with God can be. God loves unconditionally, yet we reject his love for our own endeavors far too often. We decide we would rather partake in sin, or watch tv or browse the net for a few more hours instead of seeking him and growing into an intimacy that we desire (at least say we do).

"God doesnt needs us, but STILL wants us, we desperatley need God yet do not want him most of the time"

This quote is so true and is the influence for this post. I find that most of the time i do not desire God, yet all of the time i need God's love to sustain me. Its a funny thing because it mirrors human relationships to me (obviously we are His creation after all) We desire love, yet sometimes the other party rejects this love. God desires us, yet we reject him so often (in fact every time we sin , we do this) It is not possible for us to desire God all of the time, after all we are sinners and imperfect beings. I just pray and long for the day that i can want God as much as a human can. (even then we i will stil be short, but i still long for that) I pray for intimacy and a constant awareness of my God in all moments. God has given us everything, why should we settle for only giving him a little bit?

Who am I to choose my own direction? WHo am i to choose what i desire over what God wants? Why do i so often choose my own self-interests, my own will and my own desires over the perfect and awesome plan of God that he has for me. So many times i choose to do my own thing, i choose to do what i want. I want to be what i want to be. What a horrible view of life. I need to be who God desires me to be, i need to choose what God wants, not what i want. Who am i to think that my way is better? God's way is perfect. How many times must one fail to realize this. Life is not about self-pleasure or the pursuit of what we are told is the "good life". The hedonism in our life should be what Piper calls Christian hedonism. We should be so enveloped by and continuously glorifying God that our pleasure is to be found in Him. We are not called to be "do gooders' or "law abiders", we are called to love. We are called to Glorify God and make him known. We should reflect all that is good in God to others. He created us, we must decide if we are to worship him or worship this world. Too often i choose the world. Good thing that we have been forgiven and our debts are paid in full, for if they werent we would all be doomed to perish in hell. God gave us life, he gives us a 2nd life in Him, but he also gives death to those who are not his children. I long to fear God again. No one seems to fear God these days, instead they act as if he is a great grandfather who is all loving and weak...yes, God is loving, but he is also strong and mighty and capable of doing things that should make us tremble on our knees. I want the fear of God back in my life, i want others to know the fear of God as well.

You. I need more of.
Me. I need less of.
Incomplete without you,
Complete with you.
Broken.
Whole.
Weary.
Rested.

Helpless, broken, beaten down, empty, totally depraved, nature of sin, devoid of joy, separated, incapable of good, selfish, lost.

redeemed, whole, healed, filled, power over sin, full of vibrant joy, united, righteous, selfless, found.

words....all just words. one word: indescribable....

What is the Christian life? Is it about accepting a savior and living a life above reproach? Becoming a christian and living a christian life is about believing in Christ, reading the bible, praying at dinner and when we are in need, and living our lives as obedient servants in following the laws and rules of the bible to the best of our ability. It is alos important that other people know you are holy by serving the poor and needy once a month on saturday mornings at the soup kitchen, cause that way they will see Jesus in you. Also it is important to go to conferences and sing the loudest and raise your hands the highest in order that God will know that you love him. That is what it means to be a christian.....at least thats what a lot of people think.
Being a christian is about serving God and others in love....real love, not just some exterior based faux love that is fabricated through ourselves. We must love God in spirit and not just have a knowledge of who he its, we must also have a knowledge in our hearts of who Christ is and what he has done for us. Living as Christ is hard, it is not as easy as the above description makes it sound. Living for Christ involves sacrifice and sometimes that sacrifice is hard. The biggest sacrifice is sacrificing ourselves for the gospels sake. What does that mean? It means loving Christ and others, more than ourselves. That sounds so much easier than it is. The first option makes it sound so easy yo not sin and live a godly life, but the second option is reality. Living for Christ is not easy, living for Christ involves denying ourselves constantly, a task that is impossible. That is why we have Christ, as an advocate for our misgivings and ill minded choices. We are sinners, and we will sin no matter how close we are to God. I do not EVER want to live in the fantasy world of a "holiness" christian, i want to know that i am incapable of living for Christ, without Christ. Dependence upon Christ is the ultimate way to live for Christ. We are not capable of doing ANY good, except through Christ. Christ is our answer, Christ is our savior. My sinful, dirty persona is being transformed and sanctified into the person God wants us to be. At salvation we begin this journey when the beauty and glory of God was revealed to us and this beauty was irresistable...once the glory of God has been tasted, it will never be rejected...i thank God for his grace and his glory. I want my life to reflect his glory and all that i do to glorify him, not myself.

Lyrics from a song i enjoy.

i enjoy these words, maybe for the pain it brings, but nonetheless it is part of my journey....one that i spite so often.


Love and Memories- OAR

Lovely, you're always lovely
A vision
You were the one
Now I am stuck inside a memory
You forgot about our destiny
You buried me
Didn’t you?

Didn’t you love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drowning deep inside your sound

You’re always floating
A vapor
That I couldn’t see
Here I am stuck inside a yesterday
Everything has given way
You fell from me
Didn’t you?

Didn’t you love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drowning deep inside your sound
Love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drown in love and memories

Maybe I am a crowded mind
I watch your eyes glaze over
Stared down at the floor
You were amazing to me
I was amazing to you
But here we go again

Didn’t you love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drowning deep inside your sound
Love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drowning deep inside your sound
Love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drown in love and memories

Darkness

The darkness of the soul. A stage of the christian journey no one wants. A stage that most assuredly happens to us all. The times where God feels removed, distant from us and we feel alone in a world of devils and temptation. Gos is most assuredly near us the entire time, but we feel withdrawn. In this time we can do one of two things. 1. We can patiently wait and persevere through the darkness knowing that God is molding us, forming us into a person who will be more intimate with Him. It is a hard path, but we know we will reach the light again and God will forge us into a stronger person in HIm. 2. We can run to the false lights we see thinking they will fulfill us or help us see again. All the time these false lights flicker out rapidly and we may be off the path and cannot find our way. We could still seek the false lights and get further and further away from the path less travelled. Choosing this option could cause us to live a defeated life with the joy sucked out of us. I think this is the point when many people become nominal christians. They are saved, yet they are allowing sin to hold them back and decide it is too hard to fight back to the intimacy they long for. The good news is that no matter how far we get off the path, God is constantly trying to bring us back. Too many times we choose the second option over and over until our lives seem so distant from God, that if it wasnt for his Grace, we wouldnt know where we are or who we are anymore. This grace pulls back to him and soon, soon, we will be back in the light of His Glory. We must sit patiently and let Him guide us through scriptures and prayer no matter how distant God feels from us. He is not gone, he is only wanting us to grow and be forged in the fires of the darkness. This may not be a short journey, and it will most assuredly be tough, but if we fight for joy, if we persevere through this darkness....we will be refreshed by the light of our Lord. The decision is: Do we choose to persevere? or Do we choose to chase the false lights? If we choose to persevere, i am 100 percent certain that this is the stage in our life that God moves in us to mold us, to revolutionize our soul and make us into a stronger person of faith who can change the world. We must decide if it is worth it to become a true and valiant servant of Christ or give up into a life of difficulty.

New Birth

The thoughts of salvation has been on my mind recently. I find that too many times people look at the new birth as a mere love of Christ and the assent to who he said he was. This is partly true. We do intellectually assent that Christ is our redeemer, but we also must sacrifice all that we were in order that this assent is not just intellectually, but also spiritually. Our lives must change at new birth if we are to have a true salvation. I know that sometimes change takes time, but the idea and desire to live a life as a follower of Christ must be there. The new birth all too many times these days seems easy. Now dont get me wrong, technically it is easy, but i feel that it is called new birth for a reason. Christ did not call it a reawakening or a enlightenment, but a new birth. Both of those other things are true, but the new birth is the aspect i want to think upon. Birthing is painful for the woman and the new birth came through pain as well upon the cross. The new birth is a time of throwing off the old and putting on the new. We realize that we are "naked" so to speak. We are totally aware that we are nothing without Christ and wonder how we ever survived in the world alone. This is a hard time as the new born christian has to leave behind things that meant so much to them. Social circles, activities, old habits, and selfish ambition to name a few. This time in a new christians life seems too easy today. I find that many people become christians, yet they do not leave the old way behind. Some may not truly be christians, while others are and just have a hard time for years until they understand they must leave it behind and focus upon Christ and the community of believers. I mainly wrote this as random ramblings upon my head. I think that we must draw new believers into the community of faith and build into them, as they are taught truth and not just feelings of faith, This balance is need in order to stay true and have a lasting faith group.