Friday, October 30, 2009

Thoughts on a friday

15If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.

1 Corinthians 3:15

I dont want to escape the flames....i want to live a life built upont the foundation of Christ. Sin holds me back, i want it to be purged from my depraved personhood. Only Christ in my life, not other idols or sin.

26Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

28Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 29They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

Romans 1:26-32

I realize this is about non-believers, but i do not want to even come close to this. I want to be so far from sin and so close to christ that i am not in danger of becoming a person who merely "escapes through the flames"....what a sad state. That would be the worst possible fate this side of hell. Knowing that i am saved, yet my life was worthless and all i built was burnt away...i want to build a life full of things that will be rewarded in heaven, not for the reward, but for the joy of knowing that i lived my life in Christ and helped others know him by revealing Him through my speech and actions.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Haze of Sin

It seems to me that sin gain be like a haze that slowly creeps in and eventually turns into a permeating fog that impairs your vision and direction spiritually. It normally starts with some possibly innocent actions that turn into a flaming passion for the desire of an action that takes us from God and places us into the idolatry state with said action. This haze of an initial wandering from God reminds me of a haunted forest in which he enter, and eventually cannot find your way out due to the lack of clear vision and no sense of direction. This leads to more and more sin and eventually you are helpless, becoming a slave to the forest that keeps you running around and around or staying stagnant, enveloped by a grimy fog of sin. Take for example a person who chooses to ignore God's warnings and head into an environment that breeds sin. This person, with no accountability, will slowly be squeezed by the constricting nature of sin until their christian walk is nothing more than a shell of its old self. Some may say, this person who lives in a sinful environment and falls into a slave relationship with sin. Bound to this sin, some may say this person is no longer in Christ. Not true, but for another day. This person has become so enslaved to the root of sin, that they cannot beat the power of sin without outside help....Christ first, community second. Christian community is where the spotlight can be shown on sin and help defeat the chains that bind. The light of Christ is enough, but this light is magnified through community. The answer to getting out of the fog, is the foghorn of Christ, the fog piercing light of clarity of the word of God. If you are lost, or bound by sin, the answer lies in Christ and the community found in Christ. It sounds so easy, yet it is a difficult road to march down. I have found that this bondage and thick fog of sin clouds your brain and leads to more and more sin. How do you defeat what seems impossible? Christ and in him stay strong, man up....Nut up or shut up.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Reading Crazy Love has steadily changed my heart. The latest thing that has convicted/gripped me is something that i have heard and thought upon, but not thought critically upon. Living our lives for Christ. What does that mean? It means many things, but the one that really truck me was found in Matthew 25 when Christ talked about serving the least of these and that if you do not serve the least of these than you do not serve me. How does this apply and what does it mean to see it in action? Is it going to work with homeless once a year? Fixing some old ladies roof once a year? Is it going to Venezuela for a few weeks and do medical ministry/bible schools? What is it? Those things are good, but it made me think, is it really loving the least of these......enough. What would it look like to love the least of these on a daily basis. Does it mean i save money on meals and give to the poor? Do i drive less to save money? many good questions arise. Basically, can i be a typical American and a live a Christian life such as this. I think not. We must devote all we have to Christ, to live for Christ. Christ gave everything to us, why do we think we can give him anything less than everything? I have a long way to go to live this lifestyle. Whatever i do, i plan on giving more than i can and heloing others as much as i possible can. That is the Christian life. Love others. That starts with loving God with EVERYTHING. I dont know when or how i will ever be capable of living a life such as this, but i will attempt it. Christ calls us to more, we are Holy, which means set apart. What does it mean to be set apart? Does it mean looking like everyone else and living a American lifestyle of consumption and grandeur? No. It isn't wrong to have things, it is wrong to not give things. If you have lots, give lots. If you have little, give lots. Give all that you can. I commit to giving all of me to Him and all of my stuff that i can to others in order that they might see Him who provides for me. Do they see Christ through the pulpit? sometimes...Do they see Christ is selfless love and giving of yourself to others? Always.......

Monday, August 24, 2009

Reading Francis Chan's "Crazy Love" has really made me think about my love for God, but more importantly, His love for me. Over the years, I (as well as most men) experience the desire to approach a woman in courtship and we desire to love them. Many times (or should i say most of the time in my case), these girls choose to reject a man's offering to a dating relationships. This is how our relationship with God can be. God loves unconditionally, yet we reject his love for our own endeavors far too often. We decide we would rather partake in sin, or watch tv or browse the net for a few more hours instead of seeking him and growing into an intimacy that we desire (at least say we do).

"God doesnt needs us, but STILL wants us, we desperatley need God yet do not want him most of the time"

This quote is so true and is the influence for this post. I find that most of the time i do not desire God, yet all of the time i need God's love to sustain me. Its a funny thing because it mirrors human relationships to me (obviously we are His creation after all) We desire love, yet sometimes the other party rejects this love. God desires us, yet we reject him so often (in fact every time we sin , we do this) It is not possible for us to desire God all of the time, after all we are sinners and imperfect beings. I just pray and long for the day that i can want God as much as a human can. (even then we i will stil be short, but i still long for that) I pray for intimacy and a constant awareness of my God in all moments. God has given us everything, why should we settle for only giving him a little bit?

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Who am I to choose my own direction? WHo am i to choose what i desire over what God wants? Why do i so often choose my own self-interests, my own will and my own desires over the perfect and awesome plan of God that he has for me. So many times i choose to do my own thing, i choose to do what i want. I want to be what i want to be. What a horrible view of life. I need to be who God desires me to be, i need to choose what God wants, not what i want. Who am i to think that my way is better? God's way is perfect. How many times must one fail to realize this. Life is not about self-pleasure or the pursuit of what we are told is the "good life". The hedonism in our life should be what Piper calls Christian hedonism. We should be so enveloped by and continuously glorifying God that our pleasure is to be found in Him. We are not called to be "do gooders' or "law abiders", we are called to love. We are called to Glorify God and make him known. We should reflect all that is good in God to others. He created us, we must decide if we are to worship him or worship this world. Too often i choose the world. Good thing that we have been forgiven and our debts are paid in full, for if they werent we would all be doomed to perish in hell. God gave us life, he gives us a 2nd life in Him, but he also gives death to those who are not his children. I long to fear God again. No one seems to fear God these days, instead they act as if he is a great grandfather who is all loving and weak...yes, God is loving, but he is also strong and mighty and capable of doing things that should make us tremble on our knees. I want the fear of God back in my life, i want others to know the fear of God as well.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

You. I need more of.
Me. I need less of.
Incomplete without you,
Complete with you.

Helpless, broken, beaten down, empty, totally depraved, nature of sin, devoid of joy, separated, incapable of good, selfish, lost.

redeemed, whole, healed, filled, power over sin, full of vibrant joy, united, righteous, selfless, found.

words....all just words. one word: indescribable....

Sunday, July 26, 2009

What is the Christian life? Is it about accepting a savior and living a life above reproach? Becoming a christian and living a christian life is about believing in Christ, reading the bible, praying at dinner and when we are in need, and living our lives as obedient servants in following the laws and rules of the bible to the best of our ability. It is alos important that other people know you are holy by serving the poor and needy once a month on saturday mornings at the soup kitchen, cause that way they will see Jesus in you. Also it is important to go to conferences and sing the loudest and raise your hands the highest in order that God will know that you love him. That is what it means to be a least thats what a lot of people think.
Being a christian is about serving God and others in love....real love, not just some exterior based faux love that is fabricated through ourselves. We must love God in spirit and not just have a knowledge of who he its, we must also have a knowledge in our hearts of who Christ is and what he has done for us. Living as Christ is hard, it is not as easy as the above description makes it sound. Living for Christ involves sacrifice and sometimes that sacrifice is hard. The biggest sacrifice is sacrificing ourselves for the gospels sake. What does that mean? It means loving Christ and others, more than ourselves. That sounds so much easier than it is. The first option makes it sound so easy yo not sin and live a godly life, but the second option is reality. Living for Christ is not easy, living for Christ involves denying ourselves constantly, a task that is impossible. That is why we have Christ, as an advocate for our misgivings and ill minded choices. We are sinners, and we will sin no matter how close we are to God. I do not EVER want to live in the fantasy world of a "holiness" christian, i want to know that i am incapable of living for Christ, without Christ. Dependence upon Christ is the ultimate way to live for Christ. We are not capable of doing ANY good, except through Christ. Christ is our answer, Christ is our savior. My sinful, dirty persona is being transformed and sanctified into the person God wants us to be. At salvation we begin this journey when the beauty and glory of God was revealed to us and this beauty was irresistable...once the glory of God has been tasted, it will never be rejected...i thank God for his grace and his glory. I want my life to reflect his glory and all that i do to glorify him, not myself.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Lyrics from a song i enjoy.

i enjoy these words, maybe for the pain it brings, but nonetheless it is part of my that i spite so often.

Love and Memories- OAR

Lovely, you're always lovely
A vision
You were the one
Now I am stuck inside a memory
You forgot about our destiny
You buried me
Didn’t you?

Didn’t you love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drowning deep inside your sound

You’re always floating
A vapor
That I couldn’t see
Here I am stuck inside a yesterday
Everything has given way
You fell from me
Didn’t you?

Didn’t you love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drowning deep inside your sound
Love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drown in love and memories

Maybe I am a crowded mind
I watch your eyes glaze over
Stared down at the floor
You were amazing to me
I was amazing to you
But here we go again

Didn’t you love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drowning deep inside your sound
Love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drowning deep inside your sound
Love me faster than the devil
Run me straight into the ground
Drowning deep inside your water
Drown in love and memories

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


The darkness of the soul. A stage of the christian journey no one wants. A stage that most assuredly happens to us all. The times where God feels removed, distant from us and we feel alone in a world of devils and temptation. Gos is most assuredly near us the entire time, but we feel withdrawn. In this time we can do one of two things. 1. We can patiently wait and persevere through the darkness knowing that God is molding us, forming us into a person who will be more intimate with Him. It is a hard path, but we know we will reach the light again and God will forge us into a stronger person in HIm. 2. We can run to the false lights we see thinking they will fulfill us or help us see again. All the time these false lights flicker out rapidly and we may be off the path and cannot find our way. We could still seek the false lights and get further and further away from the path less travelled. Choosing this option could cause us to live a defeated life with the joy sucked out of us. I think this is the point when many people become nominal christians. They are saved, yet they are allowing sin to hold them back and decide it is too hard to fight back to the intimacy they long for. The good news is that no matter how far we get off the path, God is constantly trying to bring us back. Too many times we choose the second option over and over until our lives seem so distant from God, that if it wasnt for his Grace, we wouldnt know where we are or who we are anymore. This grace pulls back to him and soon, soon, we will be back in the light of His Glory. We must sit patiently and let Him guide us through scriptures and prayer no matter how distant God feels from us. He is not gone, he is only wanting us to grow and be forged in the fires of the darkness. This may not be a short journey, and it will most assuredly be tough, but if we fight for joy, if we persevere through this darkness....we will be refreshed by the light of our Lord. The decision is: Do we choose to persevere? or Do we choose to chase the false lights? If we choose to persevere, i am 100 percent certain that this is the stage in our life that God moves in us to mold us, to revolutionize our soul and make us into a stronger person of faith who can change the world. We must decide if it is worth it to become a true and valiant servant of Christ or give up into a life of difficulty.

New Birth

The thoughts of salvation has been on my mind recently. I find that too many times people look at the new birth as a mere love of Christ and the assent to who he said he was. This is partly true. We do intellectually assent that Christ is our redeemer, but we also must sacrifice all that we were in order that this assent is not just intellectually, but also spiritually. Our lives must change at new birth if we are to have a true salvation. I know that sometimes change takes time, but the idea and desire to live a life as a follower of Christ must be there. The new birth all too many times these days seems easy. Now dont get me wrong, technically it is easy, but i feel that it is called new birth for a reason. Christ did not call it a reawakening or a enlightenment, but a new birth. Both of those other things are true, but the new birth is the aspect i want to think upon. Birthing is painful for the woman and the new birth came through pain as well upon the cross. The new birth is a time of throwing off the old and putting on the new. We realize that we are "naked" so to speak. We are totally aware that we are nothing without Christ and wonder how we ever survived in the world alone. This is a hard time as the new born christian has to leave behind things that meant so much to them. Social circles, activities, old habits, and selfish ambition to name a few. This time in a new christians life seems too easy today. I find that many people become christians, yet they do not leave the old way behind. Some may not truly be christians, while others are and just have a hard time for years until they understand they must leave it behind and focus upon Christ and the community of believers. I mainly wrote this as random ramblings upon my head. I think that we must draw new believers into the community of faith and build into them, as they are taught truth and not just feelings of faith, This balance is need in order to stay true and have a lasting faith group.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Thoughts from a road trip...

Letting go. At some points in our life we must get past our self and into Christ. Currently I am living my life stuck in neutral, and not moving on to the next part of my life. I’ve become self-focused and self-centered, ignoring my saviors calls by choosing for myself fleeting pleasures of a sinful life. Defeated, broken and destroyed I choose to “heal” myself through my own ambitions and the feeling that one or two half way sincere prayers will lift me out of the darkness into perfect union with God again. I keep cycling through the same moments, reach a point of “freedom” only to fall back down into the depths…or do I hold on too much. By holding on to the past and my own desires I do not allow God to step in and move my soul through the darkness sufficiently and into the light found in His arms. My life has changed, yet I am living as if it hasn’t by holding on to sin patterns and holding on to my own desires. When will I realize that my desires are not of value and it is God’s desires for my life that are sufficient to lead me into this next stage of life that I am denying to reach. Denying God to hold on to a state of life that I no longer need to be in is the act of insanity and self-denial that I long to leave behind…. literally and figuratively. The act of letting go can be nothing that I will myself but rather something I must let God do. The cycle of sin that I have is not healthy and it rots my soul. I feel good, then crash, feel bad…. repeat. I need to let God control my life and let Him take me to where he wants me. I cannot control my spirituality as much as I think. God is the catalyst, there may be certain reagents, but God is the catalyst and I am nothing more than a substance that he moves and activates. I cannot make myself into a spiritual being, it must be done by God. Letting go of myself, and leaving it in the hands of a savior that is worthy of completing my broken puzzle of a life, He is the key, He is the front of the box with the whole picture on it. I cannot put myself together, God is the one who sees where the pieces go and I must let him complete all the crooked pieces into a masterpiece. I feel as though he puts the puzzle together by starting at the center (heart) and work his way out by eventually smoothing out the edges that complete our puzzle of a life. I long for the master of my soul and life to complete my brokenness and build me into a masterpiece. My king is bigger than me and my sin patterns. I pray he will move through me like a lightning bolt, resuscitating the dead and completing me. God take me and move in me, let me let go of all things holding me back from freedom in you…freedom is what I long for.


"A Christians purpose is not to serve the church, a Christians purpose is to serve the world."

our purposes is to glorify God, we glorify God by serving others, not just the church. Until "christians" realize this, im afraid that the faith that ought be shared, will be locked in each of our hearts and only opened for those who share our belief. Our heart should overflow with Christ's love for entire world, not just the people in the church.

Friday, May 08, 2009

In the classical discipline of Lectio Divina there are four basic steps to be examined: Lectio, Meditatio, Oratio, and Contemplatio. Before we do this, however, it must be realized that Lectio emerged and was practiced in settings where those engaged in Lectio lived in a context of intimacy with God where lives of increasing Christlikeness were expected. This is hardly the context of our life in the world. Therefore, we need an added introductory and concluding step in our practice of Lectio: Silentio and Incarnatio.

Silencio. If the Scripture is to become a place of transforming encounter with God, we must first adopt an inner attitude of stillness, openness, receptivity, and responsiveness to God in love. We must begin our time with the Word become text by making our self available to God, setting aside our agendas, relinquishing our self-referencedness, willing for God to meet us in the text however God chooses, committing our self to receiving whatever God brings to us in the text no matter how disturbing or troubling it may be. Silencio is, at its heart, a loving abandonment to God which will allow God to be and do with us whatever God chooses. Don’t rush this step. Seek to become as abandoned to God in love as you possibly can.

Lectio. Here we read the text. Choose a small portion, the focus is not covering large units but plumbing the depths of a small, integral segment. Read the text slowly several times, absorb the text into your mind and heart. It might help, if the nature of the text permits, to place yourself in the role of one or more of the persons in the text and experience the text from those perspectives. Engage your sight, hearing, smell, touch and even taste as the passage permits. Live in the text as deeply as possible. Take the text into your being. Immerse your being in the text. As you “absorb” the text, take note of how your spirit resonates with the text. Are there moments of delight? Disturbance? Peace? Fear? Sense of loss? Light? Darkness? Decentering? Recentering? Presence? Absence? Resistance? Anger? Joy?

Meditatio. Now we “wrestle” with the text, with the Word become text. If you think of Lectio as putting food into your mouth, Meditatio is chewing. You ruminate upon the text and how you have been probed by it. What is God saying to you in this text? What engenders those resonances in your spirit? What is the source of your resistance, your fear, your sense of loss? What has been decentered and why? What has been recentered? Throughout your rumination keep your focus on how God is encountering you in the text, how the Word has become text for you.

Oratio. Meditatio should flow seamlessly into Oratio—prayer; but this is prayer of a special kind. Up to this point, God has been encountering you in the text if, through abandoned receptivity, you have been allowing the Word become text to be a place of encounter with God. Now you respond to this encounter from your heart. Oratio is no formal, stylized prayer. It is the communication of heart to Heart, spirit to Spirit, the outpouring of one’s being to God. In the text God may have probed some deep pool of anger in you and your Oratio is simply screaming out that anger at God. God can handle our anger, and this may be the most real prayer we have ever prayed! In the text God may have touched some hidden sin and your Oratio is tears of repentance. God may have opened a fountain of joy in the text and your Oratio is laughter and singing. God may have been silent in the text and your Oratio is affirming your willingness to wait upon God. Transforming encounter with God is always a two-way relationship, and Oratio is the first response of our being to God in that relationship.

Contemplatio. Once we have poured out our heart to God in Oratio, we then become still and allow God to implant the Word become text in our heart that the Word might become flesh in us. A powerful image of Contemplatio is from Psalm 131: “Truly, I have set my soul in silence and in peace, like a weaned child at its mother’s breast.”[9] The unweaned child is at its mother’s breast for what it needs and wants—milk. The weaned child is the image of abandonment to the mother in love, letting the mother be whatever she wants to be and do whatever she wants to do. Without such radical abandonment to God in love, the Word can never become flesh in us. In Contemplatio we may experience deep touches of God or we may experience nothing. Neither is as significant as the Contemplatio itself, the nurturing of the soul in a posture of loving abandonment, a yielded availability to God.

Incarnatio. The inner posture of yielded availability must then be carried out into the world of our daily life. If there has been a transformative touch of God upon our life, we must incarnate that reality at the first opportunity. We must allow the Word which has encountered us to become flesh in us, in our life in the world, in our relationships, in the circumstances and situations of our daily existence. A word or phrase from the passage might become the deep inner breathing of our soul as we move through our days.

One practical example of how the Word become text could become a place of transforming encounter with God so the Word might become flesh in your daily life. It comes from a portion of Scripture which, I presume, is very familiar to you -- The Lord’s Prayer.

Jesus teaches us to pray, “Our Father in Heaven” (Mt 6:9). This Word can be a place of transforming encounter with God, it can structure a whole new mode of being in the world. The first word, “our;” indicates that as we initiate openness to God in prayer we don’t do it alone. We come to God within the matrix of all the relationships of our life, real and potential, close and most distant, regular and occasional. We come to God in the context of life in human community, in both the broadest and in the narrowest sense. The entire human family is caught up in “our,” as well as the closer web of our daily relationships and the closest network of friends and family. In the word “our” our relationship with God and our relationships with others are inseparably intertwined.

When we pray, “Our Father,” with integrity, the context of all our human relationships is transformed. Every person encompassed by “our” becomes our sister and brother. Others are no longer valued for the ways they enhance our agenda or devalued for the ways they thwart our purposes. Others can no longer be pawns in our game, objects for the fulfillment of our desires, or enemies to be demonized and destroyed. Every person becomes one whom God loves and for whom God’s grace is constantly outpoured. Others are those for whom we are to be the sister or brother in whom God’s love and grace touches them. “Our Father,” instantly bonds us with God on the one hand and with others on the other hand. If we take these two words, “Our Father,” out into our life, if we make them the sub-text of every relationship, our relationships will be transformed and the reality of God’s dynamic for holistic human relationships will become incarnate in us.

When we pray, “Our Father in heaven,” with integrity, all of life is grounded in a radically alternative mode of being. “In heaven,” is not a statement of location, it is the affirmation of God’s realm of being in which the “our” can find wholeness of life in loving union with God in relationships with others. “In heaven,” affirms a realm whose values, perspectives, and practices are contrary to those of the pervasively self-referenced structures of our culture; a realm which, as Jesus said, is already in our midst (Lk 17:21). If we take these four words, “Our Father in heaven,” out into our life, if we make them the sub-text of every relationship, the reality of God’s realm of shalom and justice will begin to become incarnate in us; the Word will begin to become flesh in us in our world.

[8] In addition to the practices suggested in this section, cf. “Breaking the Crust,” “Wesley’s Guidelines for Reading the Scripture,” “Obstacles to Spiritual Reading,” and “The Practice of Spiritual Reading” (Ch. 10-13) in Shaped by the Word.


Thursday, May 07, 2009


In this sort of temptation and struggle, contempt is the best and easiest method of winning over the devil. Laugh your adversary to scorn and ask who it is with whom you are talking. But by all means flee solitude, for the devil watches and lies in wait for you most of all when you are alone. This devil is conquered by mocking and despising him, not by resisting and arguing with him. Therefore, Jerome, joke and play games with your wife and others. In this way you will drive out your diabolical thoughts and take courage
Be of good courage, therefore, and cast these dreadful thoughts out of your mind. Whenever the devil pesters you with these thoughts, at once seek out the company of men, drink more, joke and jest, or engage in some other form of merriment. Sometimes it is necessary to drink a little more, play, jest, or even commit some infraction in defiance and contempt of the devil in order not to give him an opportunity to make us scrupulous about trifles. We shall be overcome if we worry too much about falling into some sin.
Accordingly if the devil should say, "Do not drink," you should reply to him, "On this very account, because you forbid it, I shall drink, and what is more, I shall drink a generous amount." Thus one must always do the opposite of that which Satan prohibits. What do you think is my reason for drinking wine undiluted, talking freely, and eating more often, if it is not to torment and vex the devil who made up his mind to torment and vex me. --Luther

Sunday, April 12, 2009

simple difficulties me, so that I may live a life worthy of the gospel...salvation is free but its a long road to sanctification. Fill me with ur love and power.

Friday, April 10, 2009


Sin it overpowering at times? Does it control me? I find that the sin (old) nature of me, pre conversion seems to grab at me and control me at times. On the cross, the power of sin in our lvies is destroyed, we can avoid sin through Christ and His Holy Spirit can help us defeat the power of sin in all moments. Then why do i still feel controlled by sinful flesh? I have decided that the old man can creep in and devour our desire for Christ and enflame us for self-satisfaction. This is a long and steady decline that occurs when we cut ourselves off from God, fellowship and meditations on scripture and prayer. It slowly starts and once it is complete the soul is in dissarray and looks to itself as opposed to looking to God for satisfaction and guidance. Their is no formulaic answer to a soul's renovation, as much as we would like to think so. It cannot be instant, it will be hard fought battle, grinding it out with the demons of our past and present self centeredness. Renovation is what i long for. Taking the oppressed and forming it into a new battle hardened warrior of the gospel. I do not wish to be a fundamentalist legalistic bum, not do i desire a life of cheap grace, rock star christianity that i see rising. I desire to be well-balanced, devoid of legalism and leaning on real authentic grace. Living my life in balance under Christ, not leaning to the right or left, but maintaining my faith and growing towards Christ moment by moment. Allow God to be my satisfaction, not myself. Please God by glorifying Him in all i do, not placing trust in my self. My joy shouldnt be in me, but in God. I want to live my life in service to God, and God alone.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Nostalgia Pt. Deuce

nother old post that was tight...

So i had an interesting thought the other day. I have been having these thoughts of the phrase "sinner saved by grace." I have come to a conclusion. Yes, i am a sinner saved by grace. But as i broke this down i noticed something in which made me believe this was a strong statement. Sinner, i am not, not since God poured out his grace and forgivenss upon me when i asked Him to be inside me by faith. Justified through Faith. Anyway, i have alwasy hear that phrase previously mentioned, and although it is true, i think that it is looked upon in the wrong way often. We are Sinners saved by grace, and thats just it, we have been Saved by Grace. Saved from what? Saved From being a Sinnner! Therefore, we are not sinners, we ARE Saints(Followers of Christ, romans 8:27) The thought of being a sinner saved by grace is a good thought and a true phrase but people, including myself, look at that and think that since we are sinners....saved by grace..then sinning is normal and expected of ourselves.( thanks Louie G.) THIS IS NOT TRUE! We are Saved by Grace from sin. Sin does not define us any longer, we are now no longer bound by sin, so why would i think that sin is such a part of me? Believing lies thats why. Now it has been common for me to sin and think that it is normal and maybe even what im supposed to do cause after all i am a sinner( saved by grace). Well yesterday, when i was listening to Louie Giglio speak on this topic, i am to the conclusion that although the phrase is a true phrase, i dont think i wanna use it makes me think that i am just going to sin, its a part of life. Well im here to say that it is NOT apart of my life, or anyones life who entrusts their hearts, minds, and wills to Christ.(Matthew 1:21 says he came to SAVE us from SIN)( i Timothy 1:15-16; came to the world to SAVE SINNERS).....Now to me that means that the ways of the world(sin) is no longer who i am, but rather i am Chosen, as a son of Christ and therefore Free from the old ways of sin and destruction. Why? Cause Christ is in me, and I am in Christ, who set us free. That means sin should not be a commonality in my life, sure i will still sin, but i should not EXPECT TO and write it off as normal cause afterall i am a Sinner Saved by grace....nope, i am a Chosen Son Of God Through Christ, Sin No longer has power over me or binds me.


This is an old post from years back...i liked it and it isnt on here so i decided to post it....

Have you ever sat on a porch of an apartment in Atlanta and wondered at thye beauty of the Lord and His creation....ha...well at least the second part? It is amazing as i sit and stare at the hibernating trees in the half forest off my balcony and the blue sky as the big white, fluffy, shape shifting clouds slide by. Awe inspiring beauty....yet i think that so often i neglect, not only the beauty of His creation, but the essence of His gospel message in my life. So often i try , check that, MOST often i try to please my self and the people around me rather that the God who saved me and pours out His love day by day and moment by moment in my Life. Choices to please myself or seek Christ should be easy decisions....and they are, but time and again they are not the choices i should make. Value in playing playstation or watching my favorite TV show is not that high. Yet, i make concious decisions to entertain myself with the things of this world instead of following after my Lord with all my heart, mind and soul. Do i really care about my purpse on this planet? Apparently not.....Football is a sport of action, strength, leadership and courage. The onlookers only experience this through heightened passion of "cheering your team on." The passion that is seen on the field's of battle are outpoured upon the crowd and the spectators put all they have into their cheering efforts in hope that the team pulls through. Slight problem here. Crowds may make a small difference in encouraging the team to victory, but the reality of it is: THEY CAN DO NOTHING TO DIRECTLY INFLUENCE THE OUTCOME OF A GAME WITHOUT BEING ON THE FIELD! My Christian walk is all about being a spectator in a game where i should be on the field giving my all to the cause of Christ. Sure, some may say im at least on the sidelines as I am in ministry, maybe the backup quarterback who sits and listens to the coach and signals in plays........Hope. Thats what i have that the Lord will do a work in my life, give me a passionate desire to see people changed and grow towards the King of Glory who changed my life and took my sin and made me righteous..........

Monday, February 23, 2009


I think that God has been trying to bring to himself for years. I have strayed and returned, multiple times. Its not that i totally give up on God, its more of a running from Him and his calling in my life. I find that he continues to try and renovate my soul, bringing back to intimacy. The problem is that I run, i dont let Him in. I want to keep my self to myself! As much as God desires t orenovate me and make me whole in Him, He cannot do it without me allowing Him to have control and take ALL of me. Denying myself daily is what it will take....check that, denying myself EVERY MOMENT, EVERY BREATH, is the answer i seek. I must deny myself and surrender all to Christ in order to truly live. Its so funny that to truly live, i have to give it all up. Everything i hold dear and find important and even feel good about is not life. Sure i can still ejoy some of it "All In" with Christ, but it cannot take precedence over my King. I must allow God to take all of me and renovate my soul and heart into His desire for His creation. I have no right to live my life in my own way, i do not belong to myself....i belong to Christ, i must let Him do with me, what he wishes. As a strong willed, stubborn summabitch, i have to let go....of ALL of ME......Its very difficult for me, but it will be so rewarding. this journey has been long and taken many twists and turns, but i am going to do what it takes t oserve my King wholly....not half-assed.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

So i just watched Elizabethtown. I loved it. I thought it was wa great story of a man and his father, and finding his love. I dont desire such an elaborate journey, but i would love to meet someone that made me feel alive like Drew in the movie did. He was at his wits end, fired, suicidal.....and the death of his father brought him life and love. I obvioudly dont want that story, but i want to find that person that makes me alive and feel like i am free again. For too long i have grown cynical and pessimistic in regards to the dating scene. I got burnt by a few ladies and it hurt so i blocked myself form the idea of dating. I have been out of it and have not felt a true attraction in years. That stopped the other night as i pondered on someone i know and enjoy. I finally, after 4 years, actually decided that i enjoyed a girl so much that i desired her companionship (in the non physical way of course) was a milestone. Who knows if she is gonna ever be a part of my romantic life, but it doesnt matter...she broke the mindset i have had for years.Recently i interacted with a girl and felt something i havent felt it years.....i felt a romantic connection. A connection tha i cannot describe as anything else more that n "Lightning running through my veins, everytime i look at you" (thank you David Gray) i am encourage and i look forward to moving forward in life, putin my self back out there...looking past the hurt and looking to the future....

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Pits of despair

The more we've become accustomed to seeking life apart from God, the more "abnormal and stressful" it is to "look for God directly."

This quote, blazingly true, is unfortunately the end result of many rich christian's lives. The current state, so to speak. I know from experience that if we do not cultivate, do not feed, but constrict our spiritual lives, we will be at this point. A point, not of no return, but a point of stagnant despair in which we cannot seem to muster the strength and will to claw our way out of the depths. It reminds me of a path, walking towards and with God, only to see something shiny to our right or left and "go check it out". Wether this shiny thing is a sin, or even something less evil like an activity, person or group, it distracts us from God so much that we continue to walk towards it, and away from God. Seeking this object seems harmless at first, and maybe it is harmless, until we let our focus of of Christ. At this point we realize we have fallen into a trap of sin and instead of heading back towards God we keep getting more tangled up in this snare. Eventually we are so entangled we stay. When we try to get out, we easily give up because it is too stressful or weird to try and reach for God, we have lost our intimacy and direction in life due to affairs of this world. The desire to reach back to God is there but we have made it "abnormal" to seek God because we have maintained focus on this shiny object instead, only to find out it was a trap and we cannot get out no matter how hard we try.
But thats just it, we cannot remove our self from this snare, we must rely in the God we neglected, the God that has the power to raise the dead. Our God, Our Savior. Seek God in these moments and trials, getting back the intimacy with God is not easy, it is HARD, TOUGH, and outright DIFFICULT. But God can easily remove us from this trap, place us back in the right path and lead us towards himself. This is not easy as i said, we must remain in community, prayer and training our mind with scriptures. The trail we are on, is not easy and the only way we can navigate it is with a map. The map is nothing more than, community, prayer and training our selves with scripture. This is the map to regeneration, the map to rejuvenation and the map to reconciliation with Christ. The compass is Holy Spirit, follow his direction and your life will be on the right path. DIfficulties will still arise and new or old shiny objects will draw us off the path, but if we focus on Christ in these moments, we can get back on track easier and with less pain and difficulty. Life will be tough, weary and heavy on the soul, but God is stronger, reviving and his burden is light. Reaching back to God through fellowship, scripture and prayer is vital if we are to become intimate with God again if you have been snared. The importance of a bible study, accountability and support base of Godly friends is necessary in this life. Do not shy away from sharing your struggles with tight knit friends, this will free you, although in your mind it will weaken you it in fact will STRENGTHEN YOU against your struggles. Reach out to God, Cry out to Him, he is faithful.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

As i sit in class, i find it interesting that many people are just now, or fairly recently, understanding the concept of the Trinity. It is sad as i sit and drop eaves upon converstions to hear the thoughts. Many are still clueless and do not believe that you can mention God with the trinitarian language. I on the other hand have no problem with mentioning the "roles" of the trinity singularly. I do not find it necessary to mention God and Christ if i am discussing walking in the spirit. At that point i am talking about the HS! It should be implied that i mean that particular characteristic of God that involves in the HS! I find it important to hold a Tri-une view of God, but i do not find it necessary to discuss each of the aspects of God individually. I am losing faith in the tradition i follow as it is too vague in doctrinal, theological and social issues that can be interpreted various ways. THis causes schism and i do not foresee any type of mending on the horizon. I am sticking to this tradition b/c it need strong, convicting leaders that it lacks as a whole. I vow that i will be who i am called, not in order to change the church, but in order that people may see that conviction and the gospel are vital to church life.

I am also not a fan of "inculsive" langauge. Sure God is not a man, but he has authority and positions as King. I will worship a King. Not an it, not or Queen, nor a Hermaphrodite deity....maybe my reformed views are flowing out currently, but thats fine. I am reformed, and my views will remain that way as i journey in Christ. Calvin and Luther are my heroes, not Wesley. Welsey is great, but i dont agree with all of his theology.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Sola Scriptura

Lately ive been wondering about if im at the right school...In class it seems that when everyone else disagrees with something with a "hmm" or a "nope" i am exceedingly and heartily agreeing with the statements/arguments. Maybe it is good for me to learn perspectives that are not my own. At the same time i struggle with wether or not i am at the right Seminary due to my differences upon theological and at times doctrinal issues. I find it hard to want to be involved with a church that does not hold Scripture as King in regards to theology, doctrine and value of what is said about God in scripture. After further review the idea is that primacy of scripture is overarching the tradition, reason, and experience. Teh problem lies in that most people will never or still dont truly understand this. Sola Scriptura. A Man of One Book like Wesley himself said. I find it hard to not place scripture as the main authority in all theological or doctrinal issues.