ALL of ME

I think that God has been trying to bring to himself for years. I have strayed and returned, multiple times. Its not that i totally give up on God, its more of a running from Him and his calling in my life. I find that he continues to try and renovate my soul, bringing back to intimacy. The problem is that I run, i dont let Him in. I want to keep my self to myself! As much as God desires t orenovate me and make me whole in Him, He cannot do it without me allowing Him to have control and take ALL of me. Denying myself daily is what it will take....check that, denying myself EVERY MOMENT, EVERY BREATH, is the answer i seek. I must deny myself and surrender all to Christ in order to truly live. Its so funny that to truly live, i have to give it all up. Everything i hold dear and find important and even feel good about is not life. Sure i can still ejoy some of it "All In" with Christ, but it cannot take precedence over my King. I must allow God to take all of me and renovate my soul and heart into His desire for His creation. I have no right to live my life in my own way, i do not belong to myself....i belong to Christ, i must let Him do with me, what he wishes. As a strong willed, stubborn summabitch, i have to let go....of ALL of ME......Its very difficult for me, but it will be so rewarding. this journey has been long and taken many twists and turns, but i am going to do what it takes t oserve my King wholly....not half-assed.