Remembering a friend and Salvation

I'll never forget the day in 7th grade, at summer camp, that I got mad at something and was rather upset. I don't exactly remember what it was but I am sure it was something trivial. You know like someone took the seat next to the cute girl I wanted to sit by or maybe I didnt get a piece of candy during the candy rave explosion...who knows. The point is that I was upset the entire nightly session. As the session progress the speaker, David Nasser of all people, was proselytizing the word of God as a young youth evangelist. I loved his anecdotes and his ability to relate to me as a student. His influence that week poured over into my life, albeit sub consciously. I say that because at the time I was 12 and not to adamant about reaching students for Christ..at least I thought. At the end of the session David was encouraging those who heard the spirit urging them to go and join a counselor to pray that Jesus would be their savior. I was already a believer, and although I was young and naive, even blindly passionate about God, I understood the salvation story to the best that my 12 year old brain could decipher. I was sitting next to a guy that I was friends with, but not best friends, and I could tell he was leaning towards the spirits urging. He was nervous and the look on his face was of confusion because he did not know what to do and was worried others would laugh at him if he chose to go to the counselors. After all, as a 12 year old it wasn't very cool to ever place yourself in the spotlight, especially when you were new to the Youth group and the 9th graders were swirly happy. You know, they all chase you, catch and carry you off to the bathroom head first into the toilet for a nice dunk in the ever clean camp toilets. Although I didn't get mine til later in my 7th grade year after MYF, it was still on my mind as well as his. Any attention would possibly lead to the dreaded swishing of the toilet water on your head....but that's another story for another day. That day I recognized that my new friend was in need and through my anger from the seat displacement, I told him that he needed to go and that God wanted Him to follow him. He went. That day in 1992 my friend Michael accepted Christ as his savior. It was glorious in the story of God's kingdom and I never really thought about the significance for years down the road. As I grew in my faith, I realized that he was the first person God allowed me to reach for the kingdom. This friend and I lost touch and we both went through many trials and our lives were somewhat similar in the way we struggled. We both were depressed, really depressed. We both fought through it by coping, even at times using sin to fill the depressive void that was in our lives. My friend died in this state, a valuable friendship to many that was gone. I was really upset about it even though I had not seen him in many years. I knew his struggles and had been there myself. But every time I see his dimpled smile in a photograph, God tells me that he is happy and in the most loving place of all celebrating with Jesus in freedom. I wish I could have helped him find freedom on earth, and it breaks my heart I didn't get to, but I know that he is free now. Free from all that holds us down and being held by Jesus in Heaven. I am always saddened by thoughts of him, but God brings a smile to my face as he reminds me that Michael is His. God used me that day to bring him into the kingdom and although I am saddened by his passing, it brings joy to know that God used me to bring him to Himself. One day, I will see him again and that day will be amazing, as he always thanked me in private over the years, but that day I will thank him for heeding God's urgings so we can always reminisce of God's gory on that summer day in PCB.

Recently I met a beautiful girl that I thought was absolutely perfect for me. Let's call her Audrey. I thought things were going well and that she was in to me. She had the most beautiful eyes, she had a sweet outgoing personality and loved God with all her heart. What more could I want! Well fast forward a bit and she didn't seem to want anything to do with me. It sucked to be honest, especially seeing that it was the first time I had a distinct attraction that was "butterflies in the stomach" in a long time. This was months ago, and now as I am reading a book on grace I started to think, thanks to God. He showed me that I was that girl and he was me in that situation. He pursues and pursues with all his heart and yet I do not respond positively. I continuously reject my pursuer because I want to pursue something else. God relentlessly desires to be with us, yet we run and look elsewhere for satisfaction. This is grace. We run and do not desire his love yet He loves us anyway. Of course we want God to love us, but not in every moment. Some moments we desire to please ourselves and ignore God, not matter how hard he pursues us. This is like my situation but in reverse. The happy part is that God stays after us and we respond eventually, as believers or unbelievers. As a believer we still ignore his urgings and can pursue other interests for self satisfaction. He loves us yet we ignore his love. I pray that one day I can love Him constantly. I know that day will come in the afterlife, but while I am here I hope that I can come as close as I can to this point. As a human we will always pursue our own happiness at some point, but I hope I can be as faithful and responsive as possible to God. The unhappy part is that this girl never worked out..haha, but at least I know God is sovereign and one day it will work out. Whether it works out for me to be married or single is another thing, but I trust God and will serve in how he wants in the way he wants. I strive to be content in Him and Him alone.

Why must i be content with being so ignorantly selfish and shamelesslessly focused on nothing more than my happiness. I must cling to the joy that is only found in God and stop chasing these false gospels that our culture promotes. My heart cannot take it nor function without being solely reliant on the one who called me out of sin and into life. My will is strongly opposed to Christ and his sufferings, and it is a constant struggle to defeat my self and let Christ reign. The stubborn self righteousness that permeates from my inner sinful self is disgusting. Nothing less than sacraficing all that i am and filling up with all the He is, that is the only anser to any spiritual battle. God does not desire a weak, self-content, fool hardy individual devoid of His grace. His grace is more than enough for me to live, and i continuously telling myself this is the battle. I shouldn't have t otell myself that God is enough...i should know it. Ultimately i do know it, the problem lies in self love over the love of Christ and his righteousness. The church of Galatia was struggling with the gospels that refused t oplace Christ first. I am afraid i have fallen into this gross misconception of the Christian life. This may be the reason i abhor most aspects of the current church. I want a refreshing view of a familiar CHrist, not a new view of a false christ that places an emphasis on me instead of He. My prayer is that my heart is changed to remember an old friend, not a new companion. Jesus isn't my homeboy, he may be my friend but ultimately Jesus is my King...

Thoughts of the day

I can't believe that we would
Lie in our graves
Wondering if we had
Spent our living days well
I can't believe that we would
Lie in our graves
Dreaming of things that we
Might have been


Inspiration in the form of my favorite band. Just think about this, i feel that if we are not living our lives out of the love of Christ, forgetting about the world around us, then we are doing nothing but lying in our graves waiting on death. It makes sense. If we are not living with purpose, then we are dying in irrelevance. In other words, we might as well be lying in our grave, waiting for that moment when the world goes dark to us. Our lives must reflect the glory of God, no God i know wants us to lie in the grave of indifference. Although i find some of the info untrustworthy or a little too gimmicky, Warren got it right in a way, our lives must be driven with purpose. That purpose is the glorification of God through the talent's, knowledge and wisdom he has given us within the context we have been placed in.

Back Where I Come From

As I sit and enjoy the crisp, fall breeze, i am reminded of being "back where i come from". THe phrase stems from a country song that i really enjoy, but nonetheless Kenny Chesney is not the point of this blog. Although he may be in the future. Sometimes I have learned that "back where I come from" may not always be the best place for me. God has placed in us a longing for home, but really is home? Is home where the heart is? Is home where you grew up? I have an intense longing for home, but unfortunately as i have trekked back to Kentucky, i have realized that home is where God is. My heart has missed God for awhile, i have neglected my relationship with HIm due to a few personal issues that i am/was angry with God about. I have ran from home, and ran towards places and things that fulfill my desires. My desires are not what i am called too, i am called to God's desires. I left Kentucky because i thought being back home would be magical and nostalgic. Rather than nostalgia, i have felt loneliness and a longing for community, the same community that i ran from back in KY. This moment, as i watch the illuminating orange sun set, has made me understand that their is no home, except where God is. We long for the kingdom of God not a location on earth that will make us happy. No matter where we are we must realize that God is where our home is. Our home is in eschaton, in heaven. Instead of wasting away and slowly dying on earth by searching for that perfect place to call home, we must realize that our home is to come. While we are in the waiting room of life we should not forget who we are. We should live for home, a home that is perfect and a home that we will be residents of in the not to far off future. So i challenge myself and all to quit "wasting away in ardent longingville" slowly dying, and instead live for our home by LIVING for Him. We are all busy dying when we should be passionately living for what means the most to us.

I hate this ol' place and what it represents
I hate who i was and who i ended up since

Preveiw of the coming weeks

Time to get back into the world of blogging after a prolonged absence...i need it, it needs me...therefore its time to go. Been real contemplative over the past month, its time to release it. Start with a preview upon some topics. 1. Life is Unpredictable, but girls are predictable. 2. There is no such thing as a magic city (well, maybe atlanta) 3. Slaving myself out by letting others define who i am and why that sucks 4. Learning to live in Christ's love, not my own love of self and others. 5. Hating myself and how that affects my walk and interpersonal relations 6. Becoming a man and the fears and depressions that go along with job hunting. (or WHy i feel inadequate even though i am a very qualified individual and how that effects my mindset and outlook) 7. Why i fear that i will become the old man at starbucks with the raggedy beard and white hair reading the newspaper. This along with movie and music reviews, along with rants on realationships with the opposite sex...Coming soon.